à la ville de Douarnenez
du côté de la côte
(記錄于去年十月)
重看了《臉龐，村莊》結尾。戈達爾那段我狠狠被創。六年前我沒有去想，也想不明白。很多人說是戈達爾故意破壞此片的叙事結構，一如他當年。JR片中說，可能是告訴瓦爾達大家各自繼續創作，或許有天彼此作品還會彼此交彙，以一種意想不到的方式。這都當然不對。
戈達爾為什麼不開門？困惑是因為JR年輕，我們也太年輕。六年後，我讀到了Gore Vidal老年時在回憶錄裡寫下的文字。
Vidal: As I say no to dinner, I wonder if I am a bad friend. The princess and I have known each other for exactly thirty years. She has been here; I have stayed with her at Windsor. But in the last few years neither has made an effort to see the other; for some reason I am relieved not to see most people, even those I like—or once liked. I understand now why the old enjoy the obituaries of contemporaries. I used to put this down to play-acting in the face of memento mori; now I think it is a sense of relief in letting go for good of people whose presence one no longer needs. I recall something Santayana said as he led me into his cell at the convent. “As you see, I live as if I were already dead.”
又及，“要是有些事我沒說，地壇，你别以為是我忘了，我什麼也沒忘，但是有些事隻适合收藏。不能說，也不能想，卻又不能忘。它們不能變成語言，它們無法變成語言，一旦變成語言就不再是它們了。它們是一片朦胧的溫馨與寂寥，是一片成熟的希望與絕望，它們的領地隻有兩處：心與墳墓。比如說郵票，有些是用于寄信的，有些僅僅是為了收藏。”
大概Vidal和史鐵生這兩段合在一起，就是為什麼。
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