電影像是童話,我知道我的生活永遠不會像那樣。
不知道許多年後,我會不會回憶起今天。我和一個男人走進這家電影院,看了這個聖誕電影。而我剛剛結束兩段暧昧關系,一段無疾而終的單戀。
我們撒謊,我騙他自己有一位相戀三年的男友,他騙我自己沒有和女友訂婚。
電影結束以後,他沒有起身,問我電影感覺如何。我說我看過電影梗概,所以大緻看懂了,除了一些金句沒能看懂。他問我是什麼句子。我打開豆瓣,搜索出了一個截圖。他大概看了一眼,但我不知道他能不能看懂中文字幕。從電影院出來我們吹了會冷風。我以為他會像上次一樣幫我搜索回家的路線,但他沒有,所以我們多繞了一圈。時間太晚了,地鐵已經停運,于是我們站在路邊等車。他問我為什麼在他中途離場後不見了。我敷衍回答,他追問到底。我後知後覺,也許他去洗手間是為了回女友的電話。上車後,我回頭看了一眼他。他站在原地向我招手。
車子啟動了,我打開手機,屏幕上還是那幾句台詞:
I understand feeling as small
and as insignificant as humanly possible,
我了解那種渺小又微不足道的感受
and how it can actually ache in places
that you didn't know you had inside you,
就算遍體鱗傷也要故作堅強
and it doesn't matter
how many new haircuts you get
不管換了幾個新發型
or gyms you join or how many glasses of
chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends,
或是去健身或是和姊妹淘喝白酒
you still go to bed every night
going over every detail,
日日夜夜都仍在回想着每個細節
and wonder what you did wrong
or how you could have misunderstood.
納悶自己到底哪裡錯了,哪裡誤解了
And how in the hell, for that brief moment,
you could think that you were that happy?
最後自問怎麼會把短暫的歡愉
錯當成永久的快樂
And sometimes you can even
convince yourself that he'll see the light
有時候會說服自己
and show up at your door.
他會想清楚回來的
And after all that,
however long all that may be,
經曆過這一切後
you'll go somewhere new
人還是會重新開始
and you'll meet people
who make you feel worthwhile again,
再遇到值得付出的人
and little pieces of your soul
will finally come back.
然後一點一點地重拾自信
And all that fuzzy stuff,
而那些模糊的回憶
those years of your life that you wasted,
那麼多年浪費掉的人生
that will eventually begin to fade.
終究會開始消逝
因為你祈求上蒼是自己弄錯了
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