Tossing and turning and not being able to sleep, I've been thinking a lot.
You always say that you are different from the people around me, but you probably never thought that I am also different from the people you met.
You said before that we weren't particularly well acquainted, and it's probably true that people don't usually believe that a very brief encounter can lead to a great deal of affection, and that everyone longs for and distrusts love at first sight. But only I can see my own thoughts, I do not know in your eyes, or anyone else's eyes, how strange my behaviour, I do everything in my perception is the expression of my highest love, such as inexplicable transfer of money, in your opinion is not very low? But please forgive my ignorance, I really don't know how to choose the right way to get along in a relationship. And you never told me what kind of way you prefer. But isn't it strange that I really expressed my highest level of love? No one can fall in love with someone like a flood for a short period of time, but I did.
During that time before, I said one day that I was trying to "desensitise" myself to you, trying not to like you, I told myself that I was just short-lived and lonely, and that I needed someone to be with me, and that it could be anyone. After meeting you, I realised how powerful your magic was to make me change my mind, to make me think that I really liked you and that you were the one.
I don't know what the truth is, whether it's that you can't bear for a relationship to end, or you don't like the way we get along, or it's as simple as you don't like me as a person, and you think I'm ugly or something. It doesn't make much of a difference though, it's just a difference in the way you express it.
I'm really selfish, I don't even know your name. I know you're guarded against me. I really want to be in your life, but I know you don't want to open up to me. So every time I know you're unhappy I'm powerless, I want to help you, but when you say you like to be alone, I don't know if I should believe you, after all, I'm not in a position to hear the truth, whether it's because you like to be alone, or you don't want to talk about it, simply don't want to talk to me. The most abnormal person is actually me, right, no one will be so easy to other people out of their heart. I used to be just like you, sealing my emotions away with not being in a relationship and not being tied down to avoid all my problems, thinking that I would be able to not lose anything else, or caring too much about other relationships around me, fearing that I would be alienated by others because of my relationship. Then I also made up a lot of reasons and then lied to myself about it.
I don't remember when I started to change. But I feel like I've been growing too. The last "desensitization" was brainwashing myself that I didn't like you at all, and then slowly letting go. After a very short period of time together, I've changed my mind.
" How can we say goodbye to someone that we can’t imagine living without？"
" Why do you say goodbye when you don't want to lose? "
" because not every encounter has an end. "
